Savoring My Darkest Day

John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Some memories are so distinct.  The clarity is so crisp and real that you can relive every moment, feeling, smell, and sight. Your senses come alive with the memory and savor that time in history.

Usually these are the good memories we carry around that are so clean and clear to recall.

When I try to remember that day that a judge declared our marriage over in his courtroom, there is only a dim hazy image in my brain.  The details are gone and there isn’t a bit of enticement for me to go back and savor anything about that day.   If I had to really describe my memory of that day, I would also try to explain how heavy it felt, smothering and overwhelming in its weight.

In spite of my dark, heavy memory, I know for a  fact that this event occurred on a normal May morning in South Florida.  Most likely the sun was out when I exited that courtroom to proceed to work, but the memory in my mind tells me it was a dark day.  It was a lonely, sad, and dark day.   Although I am grateful that the details have been forgotten, I cling to enough of this memory to be able to realize how far we have come since that day and to celebrate the light that followed.

I savor the memory of my darkest day because without it, I would not be in such a wonderful place today.  In a solid, blessed marriage with a like-minded christian  husband.  In a marriage that bases our survival on God’s blessings and direction.  In a marriage that glorifies God’s promises.

Matthew 19:26
And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Duh.  lol – just “duh”.  Like, smack my forehead, light bulb flashing and jackpot bells and whistles kind of “Duh”!  With God.  Who knew?

I’m not sure how we missed that important lesson in our first marriage preparation, or any of the counseling meetings we attended when our marriage was falling apart, but there you have it.  We needed God, and our darkest day was the catalyst to finding Him.

We thought we had had Him all along – what with a Catholic marriage, and being pew warmers at every Sunday morning mass, and even a crucifix in our home.  It took our divorce to realize that we needed Him inside our hearts and shoulder to shoulder with us on our life’s journey.

I think before, in our first marriage, we had placed God in storage and only invited Him out for celebrations and some lip service.  I know now that He was always there, we just didn’t look to Him or acknowledge Him in the day to day moments and definitely not in the hard ones.

So, thanks to that dark day in our marriage, we found out how to invite God back in the middle – into our hearts, homes, and all of the trials and celebrations we face.  Is it any wonder that I savor that dark day?